Have you answered your cell phone recently only to be berated in a language you don’t understand? This happens more and more to me. Those people probably have an important message for me and they’re working hard at communicating effectively.

But I’m not getting it.

What I AM getting is confused, irritated, and loss of interest in answering my cell phone.

That is probably not the message they are intending to send.

Communicating effectively

Then I started to think about Martians or some other sort of extraterrestrial beings… maybe they think we communicate in a Chinese language since so many people speak Chinese and they are calling to see if we want to meet or something.

They are confused because they are making a nice offer, but I don’t understand the message, so I hang up.

Or maybe it’s not a relative of ET.

Maybe it’s a company that wants to clean out my air ducts or steam clean my carpet and they think Chinese is the best language for that.

Crossed wires

I don’t know what it is. All I know is someone is trying to communicate with me and I am not getting the message.

But maybe I am completely off.

Maybe they are not trying to communicate with me at all.

Maybe they just dialed the wrong number. Ten times a day. For weeks. And weeks. Maybe this number used to belong to their very best client, but she got a new number and didn’t forward (because she didn’t want her rugs steam cleaned any more…).

What happens when you’re not communicating effectively?

This is what happens when you are not communicating the right message for your audience.

Your audience gets confused, leading to annoyance, and then hanging up, and finally avoiding you altogether by not answering the phone even though you think you are being clever by using different local phone numbers from around the United States. (I don’t know anyone in Turlock who would call me.)

Remember that cartoon of the man talking to his dog and all the dog hears is, “blah blah blah blah blah…”? Of course, if the man used the word “biscuit”, there would be an immediate joyous response.

Know your audience

Your kids probably feel that way when you talk to them. Like you are some sort of background noise. But when they hear “dinner” or “TV” or something that piques their interest, suddenly their brain translates that noise into a language they understand.

Apps are created harnessing the power of addiction to keep you connected to them.

They drip out sounds that connect with your brains that in turn drip out dopamine to keep you wanting more. Pretty smart. Get people addicted to their phones and the companies make more money.

How can you use that same knowledge to improve your communication with those around us? Your kids, husbands, wives, employees, bosses, the person on the other end of the telephone when it isn’t a machine, etc.

Speaking a language your listeners don’t understand annoys them. It makes them disconnect.

Pavlov used food to stimulate his dogs. Social media uses “likes” to keep us looking.

Communicating effectively begins with gratitude

Maybe your secret weapon is to share your gratitude for the other person if you’re not on the same page with communicating. Maybe that will keep them connected to you and tuned into your language.

(Speaking of connections, here’s how to create them when you’re stuck at home)

It’s learning to acknowledge the small acts of love that transpire and not just the major acts. Letting those thoughts that occur on the inside to resonate outside. To put words to your feelings and to express them.

Here are some examples:

• Thank you for remembering to set the alarm clock.
• Thank you for making the tea this morning.
• Thanks for walking the dog.
• Thank you for smiling when you see me.
• Thank you for helping with the dishes.
• I really love it when you tell me about your day.
• I’m so happy when you hold my hand.
• I get great joy when I hear you laugh.
• I appreciate it when you make my favorite dinner.
• Thanks for saving me some hot water.
• Thanks for pushing me to always be better even though I kvetch about it the whole time.
• Thank you for seeing me better than I see myself.

Share your positive thoughts

You think so many positive things in your head, it’s time to get them out so the warmth extends to those for whom it matters.

Today, express your feelings in situations where you might not always do that. Tell three different people what you appreciate about them. Give of yourself in a new way.

On the topic of sharing your thoughts, have you seen my post on speaking up in church? Find it here.

Remember every time you answer the phone and hear Chinese or someone wants to steam clean your carpets or clean out your air ducts that you need to share your gratitude with those around you. Turn those annoyances into reminders to be a better you by sharing positive attributes with others.

Have a great week!

Love,
Alicia

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