What if all this time you’ve been working hard, but on the wrong things? You tell yourself you don’t have time for building relationships–you’re too busy building a business!

Maybe it’s putting in 12 hour days in the office. Or taking client calls no matter the hour. Saying yes when you really mean no. You’ve been stretching yourself beyond thin.

You have no problem justifying overextending yourself—you’re convinced this kind of hard work is what it takes to be happy and successful!

But what if, instead of the daily grind, the real secret to happiness and success is building relationships?

After all, we all want to be happy and successful, right? And of course, what defines those terms is different for all of us. But focusing on what gets us there might be the most important.

(Stuck at home? Here’s some help with creating connections, even from afar.)

Is hard work the secret to success?

So, is the secret to reaching that elusive destination of happy and successful “working hard?”

The answer is no.

Hard work doesn’t lead to happiness and success.

Instead, the research shows happiness is the result of connecting to people and building relationships. It’s true–healthy, long-lasting relationships have been shown to be one of, if not the greatest, contributing factors to lifetime happiness.

Maybe you’re thinking “But I network all the time!”

I need to stop you there—let’s not conflate networking with building relationships!

Is networking the same as building relationships?

“Networking” is not relationship-building. Relationships are the result of “time-in.” This means things like spending time together, creating a sense of history, dealing with the ups and downs of life together.

On the other hand, networking is chatting people up at a cocktail party with a goal of establishing business relationships and gaining something other than the happiness you get from a close relationship.

Remember: happy people have real relationships with people that develop over time. They feel known. Possibly even liked.

Building relationships: Quality vs. Quantity

You might also be telling yourself, “I have no problem building relationships. I have TONS of friends!” And that’s great!

But if we look at the research, it’s also clear that quality matters much more than quantity when it comes to relationships and how they contribute to our happiness and success.

So if you really want to increase your success and happiness, it’s time to switch from working hard on particular tasks to working hard at building strong, healthy relationships.

You’ll still be checking items off your To-Do list, but these items will start to look very different.

Until now, you might have attributed crossing off tasks with success, but the problem is, you still don’t feel successful.

Try strengthening your existing relationships and building new relationships to see if that’s the key to feeling successful instead. (Spoiler alert: I think you’ll find it is!)

And improving and building relationships starts with being intentional.

What does it take to feel successful?

Setting and meeting intentions.

Don’t you feel great when you get to check items off of your To-Do list?

You feel like you’ve accomplished something because you have. That leads to a feeling of success. Now let’s shake up those items from daily chores and tasks to ones that improve and build relationships.

Here are a couple of ideas to get you started.

• If you want to feel happy and successful, schedule a date with your friend. And show up. Don’t bail! While you’re at it, leave your cell phone away and enjoy the experience of being together.
• A friend of mine, Florence, who was rather old school, always carried a joke in her purse. That way, she always had something to share that would lead to a smile.
• Another friend, LaVerne, has Happy Parties. You have to be happy. If you say something negative, you add a dollar to the charity jar. Her last party, she donated $132. The parties are great fun, and everyone pays attention to what they’re saying to make sure it’s positive.

On that note, what do you call a bug on the moon?

Have a happy and successful week.

Alicia

A lunatic.

Did you enjoy this post about the importance of building relationships? Here are three others I don’t want you to miss:

Help for When the Days Start to Melt Together
Get Out Of Your Comfort Zone With Red Lipstick? Really?
Communicating Effectively: Your Secret Weapon